A little bit different…

Today I spoke with you, the person closest to my heart. I missed you so much. It feels like forever since you’ve been gone. In reality it’s only been a year. My heart wants to spill every thought and every fear like a river that will engulf you but the time isn’t now. I pray your head stays as clear as it was today. You sounded like your old self. Like the person I knew and loved and who was my best friend and my soul mate. You joked in the way that only you can do even at the worst of times. I wanted to talk forever. To catch all the time we lost and put it back. I wanted to tell you how sorry I truly was. How many mistakes I have made and how if I could I would put all of them right. And a part of me felt that just a piece of you was gone. You’d lost it in this downfall and it won’t ever be returned to you. You are different now. You’ve made choices that sadden me beyond belief. You’ve burnt bridges that can’t ever be rebuilt. You’ve lost faith in yourself. I’ve learned through this journey of watching you turn to something you swore and promised you would never touch again that to hold your tongue and say nothing is the destruction of all words. All promises. We are only who we are in any given moment. We owe it to ourselves and to the world to say the things that we know should be said even if they are hard. I’ve learned you have to be honest. And I’ve learned that youth is wasted on the young. I wish I had seen clearly when I was young, I wish I had wanted to listen to my head and not my heart. I wish I had made the choices that were hard but for the best. Through all of this we have stood the test of time. The test of years and broken hearts. The test of change and the test of staying the same. I hope you come back to us changed and ever as you were. As the person I met and fell in love with. I hope you come back wiser and more peaceful. I hope you come back with your eyes open.