Most people say that regret is a bad thing. I would disagree. Regret is an amazing motivator. If you’ve ever sat with the elderly and asked them what they would have done differently they will give you a list of things they wish they’d spent more time on. Living a regret-free life isn’t just accepting that “it was meant to be” it’s being proactive. That fear of missing out, not taking the chance, not going for what you want should motivate you to want to not look back at sixty, seventy, eighty and say I wish I’d done it differently.
We have one chance to get it right. You can’t get that time back once it’s gone and I can guarantee the fear of failure and the fear of being uncomfortable are so much less than the fear of seeing what could have been.
So I took a few days from posting realizing that I felt like I had nothing to say and didn’t want to put filler out just to say I was being active. It’s been a particularly difficult time this last month. I recently ended/transitioned out of an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship and wanted to be upfront and honest with y’all because I feel that it’s important for people to know they aren’t alone. I think it’s startling to reach a place where you realize that you’ve blinded yourself, made excuses and tried to cover up something that you knew was unhealthy and ultimately destructive even as you were trying to better yourself as a human being. When we finally step away from something and can look at it clearly and see just how terrible, damaging and draining it was we find a whole new perspective from which we need to work. I am beginning again and trying to forgive myself, every day for all the harm I caused myself by staying in a situation that continually hurt me as a person. I think that although the person who is being abusive is obviously accountable for that pain we also need to take responsibility for our own actions, our own faults and say no, this is my fault too. I allowed myself to be hurt, I didn’t take of myself, I stayed when I knew I shouldn’t etc. and that is absolutely 120% my fault and I own that. I am incredibly grateful for everything I have learned from this and although it has put a new set of challenges on me it has also made me so much stronger and taught me about myself and where my weaknesses are as an individual and also in a relationship. I encourage anyone in an abusive relationship to of course not only dig deep (you’re going to have to dig real deep) and find the strength leave but also to reach out, share, create a support for myself whether it’s family or friends and be honest. Honesty is such a huge part of growing up and healing. Hold yourself accountable because no one else is going to do it for you.
Being honest is hard. There is no way around that. It’s hard when you feel weak and tired and you are maybe even afraid. It’s hard when you know, being honest is going to bring you nothing but pain. Relationships are where I struggle the most with honesty. Not in a -keeping secrets, lying to my partner sort of way but rather I don’t want to feel the rejection or disappointment or frustration from them when I tell them how I feel…what I’m struggling with and that it’s hard. Continuing to be honest even when you know the pain is going to come, even when you know the roadblocks are going to come and you have to keep fighting through that fear is the only solution. We hide so much of what we think because we fear the outcome, we fear the response but most of all we fear the pain. You’re already in pain, you’re already suffering why not get a reward from it. Go that last half mile and finish. Get it off your chest and be honest with yourself and the other person because ultimately the truth really does set you free.
I think we now live in a time where we are really comfortable with complacency and depression. There is this feeling that we are part of a group if we are self-deprecating and consistently unappreciative of ourselves and our lives. This masking of unhappiness as jokes and sarcasm does far more deep-rooted damage than most of us are willing to be aware of. Instead of speaking our best and therefore being our best we want to not rise above the pack and the culture and or take control of our lives and our thoughts. This is what I believe is a fundamental issue with modern mental health and addressing depression and other disorders. Change not only how you think but what you say and you will change yourself and encourage others to better themselves as well.