Back at it…

It’s been a long and lonely trip but I’m glad I took it cause it was well worth it-Sage Francis.

I started a new job and went through a few life changes in the last couple of months. I did not feel up to writing or feel like I had the time but as I’ve learned, regardless of how you feel it’s something that must be done. This year has made me see how blessed I am to live the life I do live and how much greater and expansive I want my work and adventures to be. I am ready to be new. Ready to start again. I’ve always felt like I was born halfway through something, like I never got a fresh start. Maybe a lot of people feel that way. I think being an adult means you make your own beginnings, or maybe that’s something I read. Either way, I’m excited, for the first time in my life.

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Extinguished

I’ve had a lot of experience with death throughout my life. I’m familiar with the feeling of loss and being alone in an instant. I’ve become hardened, maybe a little jaded. How else would I survive, I thought. How could I not become a little cold, a little detached. Another light in my life recently went out. I sat with him as his heart stopped beating and instead of turning away I looked straight into the moment. Because that’s what this all is, just a moment. One long or short moment, one moment here or there. It’s all just a moment. Seemingly insignificant because all it is is meaningful. We are all so fragile. So breakable despite being so solid and real. The moment is so easy to extinguish but so much harder to construct. Life takes. It takes time. It takes work. This one moment of death somehow touched me. It shook me. It broke me.  It wasn’t just an idea, a formula. It was real. It was a whole moment of nothing at all. It was knowing that someone else’s moment was gone. We do a lot of things to deal with death but being in the moment with it usually isn’t one of them. I realized in that moment what was lost, what was gone. It’s funny how seeing a moment pass by reminds you to be more in the one right now. Don’t try to escape it, wish or think your way out. Don’t waste your moment because it’s all you have.